How to Maintain an Open Relationship During Pregnancy

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Open relationships are the obvious lifestyle choice for some and are increasingly common.

Dealing with the emotions of more than one partner, however, can sometimes make things a bit more complicated.

This can be often magnified by pregnancy. If everyone is honest and open, however, these challenges can be overcome.

Establishing paternity

“Are you sure it’s mine?” might possibly be the most offensive question in the world, but try not to kick your partner in the balls if he does ask it.

I’m absolutely not judging here.

Logically speaking though, for some women in open relationships this might be an issue.

Moreover, if you had more than one lover during your window of fertility, it might be reasonable for your partners to want confirmation.

Also, establishing paternity can help you provide accurate information about your baby’s family history to your obstetrician.

There may be new jealousy

Even if your partner has never shown a hint of jealousy before, it might happen now.

After all, you are not just you anymore, you are the mother of his child.

He may not be as comfortable sharing you in that role as before.

Furthermore, sharing you might feel like sharing his child by proxy.

As much as it might feel like he is claiming ownership of you, that probably isn’t his intention.

Becoming a father can be, in its own way, as life-transforming as becoming a mother.

He might not be going through the same hormonal changes as you, but emotionally it’s altogether possible he’s as much of a mess.

Tread lightly, this is hard for him too.

The best way to deal with this is, again, through open, honest conversation.

Ask him what he’s feeling, but don’t be surprised if he wants a more committed relationship.

As old-fashioned as it is, the societal imperative to marry the woman who is carrying your child is strong in many men. Be prepared for this possibility.

Respect his feelings

Even if he doesn’t go full-on with a marriage proposal, he might ask for a monogamous relationship during your pregnancy.

If you don’t have another partner or partners with emotional ties, this might be something to consider.

This man is the father of your child and is likely to be a permanent fixture in your life because of it.

Even if you have no plans of settling down with him (make sure to let him know this), concentrating on building a stronger relationship with him during your pregnancy could make co-parenting easier.

Even if you both agree to stay in an open relationship, some things should probably be reserved for him only.

For example, taking another partner to an ultrasound or your baby-shower without his blessing is rude, at best.

Be considerate of his role as a father and keep the baby-related events between you and him alone.

Ultimately, it’s your body, but respecting his feelings is definitely something you should consider.

Parenting is a partnership. The choices you make now are going to build the foundation of that partnership.

What if my “primary” partner is not the biological father?

Depending on your partner, this might be the most difficult circumstance to overcome.

There may be hurt and anger on his part, or he may be perfectly fine. Whatever he is feeling is valid, there is no script for this situation.

Listen and try to validate his feelings, but remember since you both agreed to an open relationship you did nothing morally wrong.

If he is reacting negatively, however, I would suggest giving him time to cool off and make any decisions he needs to make before discussing any particulars.

Eventually, you, your partner, and the father of the baby are going to need to discuss parenting roles, relationships to the child and how active each of your partners are going to be in the baby’s life.

Don’t attempt to have that conversation until your partner has made peace with the situation.

Finally, remember that just as the baby’s father is likely to be a fixture in your life, he is also going to be a fixture in your primary partner’s life for as long as you are together.

Just as it is your body to make decisions for, your partner’s decisions are also his own.

How he chooses to deal with the situation is, and should be, beyond your control.