If you’re reading this because you don’t feel attracted to your girlfriend while she’s pregnant, be assured that while hard to deal with, it is a very common reaction. Pregnancy affects your mind by unleashing strong paternal instincts. In this state, the male brain focuses on keeping the mother and unborn child safe, no matter the costs. Part of this need to keep your partner and baby safe may involve a reluctance to get too intimate with her.
Here are some common reasons why you may be feeling this way.
1. Fear of causing physical harm
The biggest fear is how penetration could affect the fetus. Some men fear that penetration could cause physical injuries that can lead to birth defects or miscarriage. Part of this fear comes from observing how the wife becomes extra cautious whenever moving between confined spaces such as narrow supermarket aisles. When a pregnant woman finds herself on a dark street, her maternal instincts will make her cover her womb as she walks cautiously.
2. Subconscious Memories
Your subconscious may also water down your sex drive by evoking past memories associated with pregnancy. Do you remember your father being overly protective of your mom while she was expectant? It may seem like a distant memory but the subconscious strongly holds on to the emotions attached to it. These strong emotions convince your mind that a pregnant woman is quite physically vulnerable and requires a man’s constant protection.
3. changing roles
Your partner seems more vulnerable and is more vulnerable during pregnancy. You’ve noticed her heaving breathing after climbing a short flight of steps. Because she can’t do it on her own, you help her get into the bathtub each morning. You know she’s uncomfortable and not sleeping well. All of these changes may mean you take on the role of carer
4. Fear of triggering unwanted emotional outbursts
It’s not unusual to find your pregnant spouse suddenly bursting into tears over seemingly trivial matters. On some days, she’ll go on lengthy rants because you took your time to pass the TV remote. You’ve probably or are currently experiencing another long day of undeserved silent treatment because her emotions are all over the place.
All men generally want peace and any unnecessary conflict drives them in the opposite direction. If you’re not the listening empathetic type, chances are that you’ll spend your free time with friends. Seduction requires a peaceful environment hence you can’t focus on the task at hand while walking on eggshells at the same time.
Also, the high likelihood of rejection after abrupt emotional outbursts may want you to spend time watching TV than in between the sheets. So, you shouldn’t feel guilty about not initiating makeup sex after a heated exchange of words.
5. Guilt due to unplanned pregnancy
Sometimes life throws curve balls in form of unplanned pregnancies. Some men react to unplanned pregnancies by marrying their girlfriends then steady themselves for parenting responsibilities that lie ahead. While this seems morally right, the man may still feel guilty for having unprotected sex.
When you let this guilt fester for too long, you may develop apathy towards intimate physical contact. A guilty man will avoid holding hands or sitting right next to his spouse, and this often leads to conflict. Why? It’s because the woman may interpret her husband’s strange behavior as signs of rejection. Or worse, she thinks you’re cheating on her while she’s carrying your child.
6. Financial problems
Imagine yourself walking to your workstation one morning and the Managing Director calls you to his office. He gravely informs you that the company is in a financial rut and you can either accept a 40 percent salary reduction or wait for a retrenchment letter. Now you’ll have to figure out how to convince your pregnant wife to brace for a tougher foreseeable future.
Money problems cause insomnia because the brain is overwhelmed with negative stress. This affects one’s appetite and enthusiasm towards work and social relationships. Your libido takes a serious nosedive because you’re terrified of the possibility of being unable to provide basic needs to your family.
Should I force myself to have sex?
Doctors and gynecologists will recommend a window period for engaging in sex during pregnancy trimesters. Therefore, there’s nothing wrong with making love to your expectant wife so long as you follow your doctor’s advice. In fact, it helps your wife avoid pregnancy-related depression as well as providing an exciting fitness routine.
If you still feel unable to engage your wife sexually despite the doctors’ reassurances, don’t force yourself. Women are better at noticing non-verbal cues than men hence your hesitation won’t go unnoticed. The right thing to do is to have an honest discussion in order to relieve unwanted pressure.
How to have a positive attitude towards sex during pregnancy
Take it easy
You may feel an urgent sense of responsibility to protect your wife and this is commendable. However, there are events that are beyond your control irrespective of the amount of money or power one might possess. For instance, the emotional rollercoaster that comes with pregnancy.
In order to stay calm and happy, you should focus on factors within your control. Your libido depends on your effectiveness in handling mental stress. If you worry too much, you won’t rise to the occasion.
Eat a balanced diet
What you eat influences one’s desire to have physical intimacy. A diet that mainly consists of fat and carbohydrates will make you passive. The body works overtime to digest foods rich in fat and starch. You’ll prefer being a couch potato to running around naked all over the place with your spouse.
Eating a balanced diet helps to maintain high energy levels throughout the day. This keeps your brain alert hence making you more receptive to sexual contact. Plus, you’ll feel confident about your body since there aren’t any sagging love handles or pot bellies attributable to unhealthy eating.
Take your wife’s physical needs into consideration
Women tend to feel insecure during pregnancy because it seriously distorts their petite figures. These physical changes may make her feel undesirable and she will want you to make love to her in order to feel better about her body.
As a husband, you should assure her with both words and action.